September 13, 2012

Emo

While I was counting my blessing in the previous post, I thought I should just mention how oddly emo I am today. Not today. Just the last 2 hours.

My fb status: You should have trusted your gut instinct that very first time.

While I can't say that I dread coming to work every morning and in particular, Monday mornings, I too can't say that I am enjoying myself or at least, happy at work. Indifference is always the start to the downward spiral of how one feels about work, isn't it?

It must be PMS, because it's the easiest justification for everything bad that happens internally. I can almost feel that familiar feeling of worthlessness and stupidness creeping up on me. Everybody seems to have a purpose at work, or at least, contributing to some purpose at work, whether they like it or not. How about me?

Honestly, I'm only relieved in where I am now because I just really needed to live like a normal employee, with CPF, with medical claims reimbursed, with paid leave and most importantly, with the option to meet Emman or friends for dinner on a weekday evening or go back home to have dinner and still have time to watch telly before I needed to hit the sack. In as far as the good of my job now goes, it's to let me live a rather regular lifestyle. The afternoons and evenings of commuting around Singapore, with a rather heavy bag full of props and toys, catching quick lunch, quick dinner, regardless of weather, not being able to meet friends or go home for dinner in the evenings... the thought of those still deter me a little.

But, yet. There must be a better way to work with a purpose, for a purpose and still have a little of that regularity. What is the cost then? What is the opportunity cost?

Why is this all-too-familiar feeling always creeping up just around this time of the year? Does it come with birthday celebrations or what?

xxx

So, emman sent me an email with an attachment of a song called 'Karena Ku Cinta Kau', just when I was feeling emo and on the verge of all kinds of bad feelings and thoughts.

I guess, you never know what and when the littlest of things that you do can touch and comfort me so much. I try, really try, really hard to remember all these moments, especially when I'm reasonably or unreasonably upset or angry with you. So that these moments help to make me remember what a wonderful friend I have in you too! Best friend or not, I don't know. But they just make me remember all the little ways you love me (more) and how blessed I am.

God blessed me, with you. ^^

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 18:11